


The Legend of Gilbert

by Opalsong



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: (the Brian/Pat can be read as together or gen as you will), Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Banter, Brian plays Link, Crossdressing, Flirting, Game Reviews, Gen, Greudo are Trans Inclusive, Heights (fear of), Homesickness, Humour, Implied Relationships, Let's Play, Loneliness, Magical Virtual Reality, Revali is Tsundere, Sidon is G-A-Y, Social Media, The Jorts Are The True Winners Here, Virtual Reality, YouTube, jorts, non-standard text format, only AU in tech level, vlogging - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 06:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20304799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong
Summary: Nintendo is about to release their new Magitech VR system.  Polygon’s Brian David Gilbert gives us a sneak peak by testing this system to its limits in a non-stop immersive playthrough of its launch title: a re-release of an old favourite, Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.  The Let’s Plays and other videos are bound to be legendary.





	The Legend of Gilbert

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired by and the result of me reading [Hitchhiker's Guide to the Valley](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16911696) and ["Master Quest"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880973) while mainlining Gill and Gilbert episodes. Many thanks to Queelez for being a boss cheerleader and beta (seriously, I had the first two vlogs written and had consigned them to the “never finishing” bin when he cheered me along. Queelez is also the source of the rest of the outfit that goes with the Jorts (which I’m not sure I ever mentioned but he got on the game and figured out how to dye the climber’s boots the right colour and the most BDG thing to pair with it). This was about half written when the Unraveled food episode came out and I LOST MY SHIT to Queelez. Because really.

**The Legend of Gill Episode 1: Awakening [presented by Polygon]**

A bright light glows in the center of the screen. 

**Strangely familiar voice** : Open your eyes. 

The light fills the screen with white.

**Strangely familiar voice** : Open your eyes. [The voice repeats itself, sounding more over the top  _ mysterious _ than usual.]

The screen gradually lightens. 

**Strangely familiar voice** : Open your eyes. [the voice repeats itself again, sounding somewhat annoyed]

After a solid minute of a dark grey screen.

**Strangely familiar voice** : Wake the fuck up, Gilbert! [the voice is more masculine than the normal Zelda voice and very impatient]

The screen abruptly brightens and reveals Brian David Gilbert lying in a shallow pool of water. He is in tight blue underwear. His skin gleams slightly as the water drains. He grumbles something unintelligible before he scrunches his face in distaste and finally prieshis eyes open.

He seems to pause and then he shoots into a sitting position, looking around in wide-eyed wonder.

**Brian** : Holy shit, it worked.

The camera zooms out to show a blue glowing room that pulses like a heartbeat. It then zooms in on a pedestal where something glows.

**Masculine Not-Zelda** : That is a Sheikah Slate, your combo PDA and GPS and general smart device. Take it, show the world your sexy underwear-clad body. It will help guide you after your long slumber.

**Brian** : [snorts] I don’t think that’s the exact dialogue but sure. [He glances down at himself and hesitates.] Swing the camera around for me? [The view moves to center on his face and shoulders.] Hi and welcome to Legend of Gill! I’m testing out Nintendo’s new magi-tech add on and vlogging about it for you. I’m playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, in case you couldn’t tell already. And I’m also stalling, because the magi-tech is very good and I am very almost naked. And cold. Why is it cold? I know I’m wet from sleeping in the time-goop puddle but Link never looked cold. Are my nipples pebbling up? Because they are going to and now I want to get up even less.

The camera swings around to focus on the pedestal with the Sheikah Slate again. As if in impatience. Brian keeps grumbling but eventually stands up. 

**Brian** : I’m pretty sure I get pants soon right? 

The camera zooms out to show Brian in all his underwear-clad glory as he walks towards the pedestal before settling into a normal third person view as he grabs the slate. A noise plays and Zelda(?)’s voice explains how to use it. Brian spends a moment poking at it before blinking a little owlishly and wandering towards the door muttering “pants.”

He startles a little as he approaches the door and it opens and lights flicker on down a hallway. 

**Brian** : Wow, that is some sci-fi stuff right there. And chest, chest, chest! 

He bounces, singing, over to the two chests. He kicks one. 

**Brian** : Ow. owowowow why did I think that would work.

He hops around on one foot for a moment before kneeling down and opening the first chest.

**Brian** : Pants! Oh pants how I love you! …. And unlike in the game I actually have to put these on not equip them so get ready for awkward, probably meme-able moments of me getting dressed.

He puts on the pants and opens the other chest and puts on the shirt he finds inside. 

**Brian** : Wow, these are surprisingly comfortable. They look like they are rough cloth but they are very soft. Now I feel like I can actually conquer the world. Pants, the bringers of confidence, who knew. Me, I knew.

He reaches another Sheika pedestal, this one in front of a door.

**Masculine Not-Zelda** : Hold the Sheikah Slate up to the pedestal. That will show you the way. [pause] normal enough for you?

Brian just snorts and taps the Slate where he is supposed to. The door opens and the screen fills with the bright light of day.

**Masculine Not-Zelda** : Gilbert… you are the light - our light - the must shine upon Hyrule once again. Now, go… get this Let’s Play going.”

**Brian** : [snorts again] sure, sure, I’m the light of your life, etcetera.

He walks towards the exit but is barred by a wall, just taller than he is. 

**Brian** : Oh shit, I’d forgotten about this. Climbing? Okay, how is this going to work. Oh. oh wow. This is easy! [He scrambles up the wall] that was so cool, I definitely can’t climb things like that in my real body. This is going to be fun. Out into the world we go~”

He sings as he skips towards the mouth of the cave. As he exits the camera pulls back to show the massive panoramic view of the game world. Brian’s singing trails off as he walks out to the edge of the bluff he is on. The camera swings around and gets a good view of him from all angles. His hair is the fluffy artful beahead that he often wears, no glasses interestingly, cream coloured shirt, brown pants (and boots that came with the pants). The wind ruffles his hair and clothes. He looks good and natural in the game.

**Brian** : Holy shit.

His hushed voice can barely be heard over the rising music as the camera pans back to frame him against the enormous, gorgeous landscape and the title [Legend of Gill: Breath of the Wild] appears in the lower right corner. A subtitle of [Episode 1: Awakening] writes itself by the title.

  
  


**Legend of Gill Episode 2: Shrines [Presented by Polygon]**

The sweeping panoramic view of the world fades onto the screen with Brian standing at the edge of a bluff. “Holy shit” he whispers as the music rises and the title [Legend of Gill: Breath of the Wild] fades into view in the bottom corner. This time the subtitle is [Episode 2: Shrines Shrines] sits underneath it. The shot lingers before fading out again.

The first proper image of the episode is of Brian, rumpled and dirty standing just outside a shrine, he is breathing heavily.

**Brian** : Welcome back to my play through of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild on Nintendo’s new Magitech system. I’m Brian David Gilbert and I am a hot mess after my encounter with some moblins. It has been literal seconds since the end point of the last video when I nearly died at the hands of said moblins but I’m about to start the first shrine and figured I’d give Pat a good intro to work with here.

He spins with gusto to the shrine, which is already open and lit up blue.

**Brian** : In case Pat cut out the bit where I run screaming toward the shrine and it said the name, creepy by the way, it’s an overlay on my vision but also this ominous voice in my head. [He visibly shudders.] This is Oman Au shrine. One of the first and easiest to get to.

He keeps talking as he gets onto the elevator into the shrine.

**Brian** : I haven’t decided whether we’re doing every shrine or not. But probably not. Can you imagine the time it would take for that? No one wants to watch that much of me flailing and failing around.

**Brian** : Oh hey, no loading screen! That is neat! Those were always the worst part of the game. Now the question is, which shrine is this. I’ve played this game before but I definitely haven’t memorized it. And they might have changed things for this version like they did for Master Quest which wow, a Magitech Ocarina of Time game. How would they even do that? Make you into a kid-

He yelps and nearly falls off the elevator, which is most of the way into a large open room in the same blue ancient glow as the place he awakened, as ominous words appear on the screen.

**Ominous Voice** : I offer this Trial… Trial of Magnesis”

**Brian** : That is the creepiest. But hey! No combat trial for this one! Exciting!! Should be a pedestal to hook my Sheikah Slate into to give me magnesis… there. [He skips over to said pedestal.] Let knowledge be dripped into me!

He visibly blinks at the Slate as he takes it. 

**Brian** : I have no idea how that works but okay, I know how to use Magnesis now. Great!

The screen goes red and textured and he shudders.

**Brian** : That is weird and unnatural. Suddenly everything is red. Not cool; I feel like I’m going to get eye strain. Somewhere around here should be something I can move with this.

The camera pans around, showing an empty room. There are interesting designs on the walls, though they are difficult to see through the red overlay.

**Brian** : Ah ha! There it is! Not so hidden when you light up bright yellow are you. Now, how to move this.

Brian studies the giant metal plates on the floor for a moment before pointing his Slate at one. A large transparent magnet appears around his Slate and it shoots some sort of beam towards the plate, causing it to move.

**Brian** : oh god. Oh god oh god oh god I’m going to die this is huge and I am definitely going to drop it on myself. Don’t drop it. I can do this. I can’t do this!!

He does, successfully, move the giant metal plate to the side in a pretty competent and smooth motion. Despite all his verbal flailing and apparent fear. The plate was concealing a hole in the floor. As Brian moves up to it, the camera takes in a drop with water at the bottom.

**Brian** : oh god that is high. [he recoils when he looks down] Do I really have to do this? [he visibly looks around the room] I have to do this don’t I?

He proceeds to stand at the edge of the hole for a good five seconds. Then two white arrows appear in the bottom left of the screen and some “fast forward” effects overlay the screen as the video speeds up and a timer starts in the upper right corner of the screen.

It takes five minutes for Brian to even start moving again and then he paces towards the edge and back again. He peers over it before recoiling a couple of times.

Sometimes the video slows when he talks, but the timer continues.

**Brian** : It’s not that I can’t swim, I definitely can swim and I think even if I couldn’t the game would take care of that because I definitely don’t know how to swing a sword in reality but it was easy here. But this is really high. 

**Brian** : I’ll say this for Magitech, this new version feels real. Very real. Too real right now I think. Maybe an overlay will help? [the screen goes red with mangesis for a moment before flipping back to normal] Nope!

When the timer hits fifteen minutes Brian stands at the edge again for a minute before the video slows down to normal speed again.

**Brian** : This is going to be super boring. Sorry for the work you’re gonna have to do to make this fun. [He stares down at the drop for another long moment] This won’t kill me. This is way less scary than the moblins. Right. Way less scary. Who’d be scared of this? I’m scared of this. But we’re doing it anyway because the things we do for a paycheck.

And at that, the camera swings around an catches his eyes squeeze shut and he steps off the edge.

He barely has time for a short yelp as he falls.

**Brian** : That was it? That was IT!?

He seems very put out as he climbs out of the water, posture looking like an offended dripping cat.

**Brian** : It looked so high and that was the fall? Now I’m going to have to find something high to jump off of into water to get the pay off for all that build up.

He walks down the hall and up some stairs.

**Brian** : oh wow, I’m dry already and not even cold. That’s handy. And this is a dead end. Wait. right. Magnesis. I nearly forgot with all that fear and failed pay off.

The screen goes red again and a block glows yellow in the wall. Brian moves it pulls it out of the wall smoothly to make a step for himself.

**Brian** : This is so much easier to do in person. I remember the magnesis controls being a little awkward on a controller. I could never figure out exactly the angle or force I was using. But here I can definitely tell. Of course there’s more fear of squashing myself with massive plates of metal in the game. Which can I say? Was not a fear I had before doing this. I think I-

Brian screams as a laser shoots past him. He’s in the next room and there is a Guardian Scout I in front of him.

**Brian** : Ancient spider robot thing no! I did not want this. What do I have to fight it off? [He seems to rifle through his menu, though it doesn’t pop up on screen] Why did I use up all my sticks on the moblins? Why didn’t I eat anything after the moblins?

His tone of exasperated dread comes through loud and clear. He pulls a few advanced dodge procedures that are actually quite impressive as he manages to avoid being hit by lasers. Then the screen goes red.

**Brian** : shit. Nope not what I wanted to. Wait. fuck yes! Magnesis to the rescue!

He uses the magnesis to pick up a giant metal plate that was bridging a gap and swing it into the Guardian Scout I. It poofs into nothingness.

**Brian** : HA! See who likes getting squished by a giant metal plate now! Actually, now I am extra scared of getting squished. God damn it. Ooooo loot.

Ever distracted by shiny things, Brian picks up the various loot items and stashes them… somewhere on his person.

**Brian** : I see that once again I don’t feel the need to show off new items for the camera. The developers tweaked the game to be experienced and less watched which it neat. I can do the “show off to the camera” [he actually does air quotes] if you want me too. Let us know in the comments. [as he is talking, he is swinging the giant metal plate around with magnesis to create a bridge to walk on] How will I see your comments you ask? Because I definitely can’t in the game normally. That is a secret for now~ [he sings that bit and skips across the second bridge he made with the giant metal plate] You’ll find out later.

Brian opens a set of giant metal doors with magnesis and walks into a new room. It looks mostly the same as the rest of the shrine but has a person in a laser cage on a raised section near the back.

**Brian** : Are those lasers? And wow, these mummy people look even creepier in person. Well he goes nothing. [he touches the lasers, they shatter. Brian lets out a yelp] I broke it!

Before he can say more, a voice echoes out.

**Oman Au** : You have proven to possess the resolve of a true hero. I am Oman Au, the creator of this trial. I am a humble monk, blessed with the sight of Goddess Hylia and dedicated to helping those who seek to defeat Ganon. With your arrival, my duty is now fulfilled. In the name of Goddess Hylia, allow me to bestow this gift upon you… 

**Brian** : [is shuddering and starts talking the moment there is a pause] This is so creepy. It is in my head!

**Oman Au** : Please accept this Spirit Orb. 

A glowy blue/purple orb floats out from Oman Au and sinks into Brian’s chest.

**Brian** : Not okay! Not okay- holy shit [his face shifts from freaked out to blissed out] that is the best feeling ever. [he blinks rapidly several times and gives a full body shiver] That was… you know what? I’m not even going to describe that but I am now sure that we are doing a bunch of the shrines and equally sure that I don’t know if I want that to be caught on screen again. [he still has a faint unconscious smile on his face]

**Oman Au** : May the Goddess smile upon you.

**Brian** : Mind talking, still weird - and oh god I forgot they dissolved. Why do I feel guilty about taking the Spirit Orb now? Way to ruin a good moment Oman.

The screen fades black for a moment, cutting off Brian’s slight frown and whatever he was about to say. It fades back in with Brian standing on the shrine entrance.

**Brian** : What the fuck? If your screen went black and then I was here, that wasn’t a cut. I feel like I just blacked out for a moment. Like, thanks dev team I guess for not making me do everything backwards but also, you couldn’t have added an elevator? Or even one of those blue glowy circles from Ocarina?? [Brian looks seriously disturbed.] Well, I guess that was our first shrine! That was a lot. I’m going to go find some weapons and food now. Hmmm… I wonder if I can cook yet.

  
  


**Why You Should Be Watching Brian David Gilbert Play Breath of the Wild [by Queelez]**

**Clip:** Brian screaming as he jumps off a Tower with the paraglider. Screams turning into woops of joy as he glides down.

**Clip:** Brian standing on the top of a snowy mountain peak crowing about being king of the mountain. Only to interrupt himself with a shriek about the cold.

**Clip:** Brian standing in the middle of a road, it is night. The blood moon rises. Brian’s eyes go huge and he stares at the moon. The Not-Zelda voice intones about aimless spirits and enemies returning from the dead. When the cut scene is over, Brian looks around, paranoid, muttering in a singsong “creepy, creepy, creepy” 

**Clip:** Brian staring dubiously at a Chuu as he pokes it with a stick. “You’re a chuu. Does that make a group of you a train?”

**Clip:** Brian approaches a wooden structure at a run, carrying something of obvious value. An arrow flies by his head. He yelps, nearly dropping his cargo. He flails around wildly before spotting a monster on the structure. He bursts out with “Oh shit. Fucking blood moons!! I just cleared you out yesterday in preparation for this!” Before flailing away with his… is that a chicken?

  
  


**Unaired Footage on Polygon Servers**

**Brian** : Hey Pat, can you not include this bit in the videos? I just need some time to myself and like, I know you’re watching. You’re always watching. Ha. But I know you’re watching but you’re my friend and don’t really count. Oh my god don’t say anything, of course you Count, Pat. You are a person and valid as everyone else, a thing I tell myself every day, but you aren’t people, public. 

This experience has been amazing. Even sitting in this inn feels completely real and wow Pat, just, you should feel these sheets. You know how they look a little rough in the game? They aren’t. They are the softest of shit. And that’s just the sheets! Everything is that detailed and stunning. The vistas, Pat, and the night sky. I can’t get enough of it.

I miss everyone, obviously. Check in on my sister for me? And get her to text my mom? How’s everybody at the office? Is Jenna still working on that massive video? Is Overboard going okay without me? Oh god that sounded self-centered, that show’s been going on longer than I’ve been working at Polygon and it isn’t even my show. You aren’t the center of the universe Gilbert. Scratch that last question, are people on the internet freaking out about a lack of Unraveled yet? I guess it’s only been a couple days. Has it been a couple of days? I know it says on the box “real time” but really? Really real?

Fuck, I gotta stop talking to myself. I mean, I guess I’m talking to you, Pat. But mostly I’m talking to myself.

… I wonder if this is gonna fuck me up when I get out?

Bed time! Enough of this introspective bs. 

But really Pat, can we keep this between you and me and not the internet as a whole where everyone could see and laugh at my general emotional incompetence? Maybe any time I sleep in an inn? Could that be the deal? That’s definitely the deal. I trust you not to make me look like a, okay more of a fool than I already do on the internet.

**The Creation of a Masterpiece [BotW Magitech BDG Vlog] [by LegendofGlibert]**

**Clip** : Epic music (the kind that accompanies movie trailer) as the screen lingers on the thumbnail shot for the Legend of Gill vlogs (the one with Brian on the bluff overlooking Hyrule from the beginning of the game, with “The Creation of a Masterpiece” in center screen. It fades out and the music amps up as a title card comes up on a black screen [One Man’s Quest for the Ultimate Fashion].

**Clip** : Brian talking to an NPC woman. The sound isn’t loud but the subtitles catch the relevant bit: she is giving him a quest. 

**Clip** : Brian looking quite chilly, lining up a bunch of trees. Followed by several short clips of Brian cursing the cold, tripping, or otherwise doing something that is comedic gold. 

**Clip** : Brian reveals a cracked wall and tosses a bomb at it. A pop score of 7/10 for the throw. Brian enters the new hole in the wall and finds a shrine 

**Clip** : Brian in the shring opening a chest. It reveals the Climber’s Boots. The vid adds extra sparkles and the music swells.

**Clip** : Brian trying them on. It zooms in on his face. He looks a little dissatisfied.

**Clip** : Brian at the Dyer’s shop holding the pants, the Dyemaster is explaining the process vaguely and telling him what he needs.

**Clip:** Brian grimacing at a handful of beetles while saying “I don’t want to waste the stones but…” and trailing off.

**Clip:** A lingering shot of Brian, shirtless and wearing the Climber’s Boots walking up some steps to stand on a platform. He looks somewhat confused as to why he is doing this. He is holding the beatles. The camera lingers on his collarbones. Then there is a yell and Brian screams as the floor drops from under him and he splashes into the cauldron.

**Clip** : Brian covered in blue dye, still shirtless. The dye slowly slides off his skin to plop onto the floor. It leaves him glistening and hydrated in its wake. He shakes his head, shaking off some of the dye in his hair.

**Clip** : Brian holding up the freshly dyed Climber’s Short and grinning. “JORTS” he shouts. Glee suffusing his voice. “Now that I have you, I will never take you off again.”

**Clip** : Lingering shot of Brian in the jorts and nothing else. The vidmaker has obviously slowed down the footage to let the image of the jorts and Brian’s bare chest linger on the screen. This fades out to a black screen with [#Success] and [Achievement Unlocked: The Best Clothes] on it. The music fades out.

  
  


**Behind the Scenes Voice Over Captured During Episode 5: Memories and Magic**

The camera pans over rolling green hills, swaying trees, and a bright glossy lake. Two peaked mountains jut in the background. Brian takes out his Slate and looks at the picture he’s following and the camera swings around wildly and zooms in on his face; he is blinking rapidly, mouth open slightly in surprise. 

The cut scene begins to play. Brian and “Zelda” are walking along the edge of the lake.

**Brian** : [laughs so hard he is audibly wheezing from it]

**Pat** : Shut up, I’m rocking it and you know it.

“Zelda” is Pat. He is dressed in the exact same costume Zelda normally wears: tight brown pants, cropped Hylian Blue over tunic and belt/skirt thing, white core armour, ;gold embroidery and filigree everywhere. His hair is braided back around the crown of his head.

**Brian** : [laughter dies down] No really, you look good. Your massive shoulders really fill out that top in ways that Zelda would never have thought of! [there is a pause and Brian suddenly bursts out in surprised joy] Pat! Patrick! Pat Gill! I am talking to you! Really talking! To a real, live human! What is this witchcraft.

**Pat** : [a short beat of silence] I dunno Brian, looks like you get to watch the cutscenes just like everyone else.

**Brian** : Which is creepy come to think of it. Is this how they envisioned Link experiencing these? Like a movie?

**Pat** : Save the commentary for when it’s on screen.

**Brian** : shit, yeah. I, I don’t even know where to start. How’s it going out there?

**Pat** : Good. We’ve got you in the VR room right now but I think Jenna has plans for a new series so we might have to move you. The screen looks good and the prompts are hilarious when I need to talk. I’ve taken the day and evening and am going to have so much vacation after this.

**Brian** : You and me both! Maybe we can actually go home for the holidays!

**Pat** : [chuckles fondly] maybe go to Disney, I want to see you high on the mouse. 

Brian cackles. On screen, Zelda-Pat is waxing poetic about the Divine Beasts.

**Pat** : Tara and Simone are splitting the Night shifts. Basically any time between midnight and eight am, one of them will be watching instead of me.

**Brian** : [obviously parodying the magitech safety manual] It’s important to have a spotter!

There’s a pause as Zelda-Pat stops walking and looks worried and sad. It is particularly effective on Pat’s face.

**Brian** : How is everyone? Is Zuko doing okay? Laura? My parents?

**Pat** : Everyone is doing great. Laura keeps talking about having extra space in your apartment and how great it is that you aren’t eating her food anymore. Your mom somehow got my number and keeps texting me to make sure you are eating. I’m answering because I’m honestly terrified she’ll somehow get Tara’s number next. Zuko is doing good. He misses you. He’s living with me at the moment and Charlie is distracting enough that he doesn’t spend all day looking like he is about to die of a broken heart.

**Brian** : You lie. Zuko hasn’t even noticed I’m gone.

**Pat** : [dry as bone] Well, fuck. And here I thought I was going to reassure you.

**Brian** : Fool me never, Pat Gill.

**Pat** : And before you ask, the numbers on this thing are amazing. Up there with Unravelled. And the amount of memes you have generated already is actually kind of ridiculous. The one of you screaming at a cucco shows up on my feed twice a day at least.

**Brian** : Good. [relief threads through his voice] That’s good.

**Pat** : oh, before we run out of time, you wanna make a phrase that lets me know when to cut away? Just in case. I hadn’t thought of it before that first ramble in the inn. 

**Brian** : Like a vlogging safeword Pat Gill? [he hums for a moment, thinking] Any time I’m sleeping in a bed for the night. But maybe it would be good to have a word, in case someone else is watching…. I’ll think about it and let you know.

On the screen, Pat is glancing back over his shoulder and challenging Brian “tell me the truth, how proficient are you right now, wielding that sword on your back. Legend says an ancient voice resonates inside it. Can you hear it yet, hero?”

**Brian** : So coy, Pat Gill.

**Pat** : Only for you Brian.

Brian stumbles and blinks, looking around in wonder again.

  
  


**The Legend of Gill Episode 8: Hot Wet Hylian (Summer) [presented by Polygon]**

Brian runs across the bridge into Zora’s Domain. He is drenched; his clothes sticking to his body in interesting ways. There is a faint beeping of shrine radar in the background.

**Brian** : Wet! So wet! Why is this the game mechanic they messed with? Link never seemed this wet. And Link’s clothes were never plastered to his body like this, giving his viewership views that he never intended. [he shivers violently, shaking water everywhere] and of course it is a chilly rain. I can’t wait to defeat the beast and clear this up.

As Brian approaches Zora Domain proper, he slows and looks around. The beeping is more insistent.

**Brian** : It’s still gorgeous. Why are even the raindrops pretty? [he sneezes] okay, further admiration once this place has dried out.

He jogs forward a bit. The beeping is incredibly loud.

**Brian** : really!? I get it! There is a shrine! I don’t remember the radar being that annoying on console. Ugh.

He picks up his pace and jogs towards the entrance. The words “Zora’s Domain” appear on the screen. Brian makes a face at the camera.

**Brian** : That voice in my head remains the creepiest thing about this game.

Before he can comment any more, a shark-prince comes leaping down the short flight of stairs and landing in the middle of the archway into Zora’s Domain. He poses for a moment before speaking.

**Sidon** : Woah! 

He looks impressed. Brian waves in greeting. He has a peculiar look on his face.

**Sidon** : I’ve been waiting for you!

As he says this he does his arm movement and sparkling smile. Brian doesn’t say anything for a moment and he flexes his prominent bicep and sparkles again before continuing.

**Sidon** : Welcome to the domain of my people Zora’s Domain. I’ll introduce you to the king. This way.

He walks off, hips swaying ever so slightly. The camera follows him, zooming in slightly on his ass.

Brian shakes himself and rakes his hair back out of his face and the camera swings back around to him. Brian smirks right into the camera.

**Brian** : You, me, and every one of our viewers. Was it just me or as he flirting more than normal? I was definitely flirting on the bridge. I wonder if the code will allow for a change like that. [He pauses and looks around at the gorgeous architecture] well, only one way to find out. Off to flirt with a shark-prince! [he actually clicks his heels before he walking through the arch and up the steps] Okay, what to do now? Explore? Visit the weapon shop? Get all the side quests? Find the fucking shrine [a pause followed by a snicker. Then he continues in a mutter] That’s Sidon’s bedroom. [He raises his voice to regular level] Ooooo Mipha statue. She looks so neat. [the beeping continues. Brian sneezes violently. He shakes himself] Shrine first then King. All sidequests and stuff can wait until I’m not going to die of pneumonia. Can I even get sick in the game? Link never does…

Brian walks over to the shrine and the beeping, mercifully stops. 

**Brian** : Finally!

He then walks to the stairs up to the throne room. He stands there for a moment looking at them.

**Brian** : Stamina meter here be come. I cannot wait to be able to take the waterfall shortcuts because this is going to suck.

He continues to curse the stairs, staying well back from the sides on the slick surface as he climbs. 

**Brian** : Cinematic as hell. But also. Hell.

Brian reaches the top and meets the King. This goes about the same as it does in the console version of the game, except the camera has a tendency to linger on Brian’s attempt at an interested face and then drifting over to Sidon’s pecs. To be fair, Brian’s eyes are mostly on Sidon’s pecs too.

Brian plays along when the King asks him if he remembers anything.

**Brian** : Nope, this is all new to me.

The King is disappointed and asks for help. Advisor Muzu is dismayed, but Sidon is practically gleeful and sparkles again. Brian’s gaze lingers on the sparkle, or rather Sidon’s smile, as the King begins talking again.

And then Brian is thoroughly distracted because the Divine Beast Vah Ruta trumpets and rises from the reservoir. 

**Brian** : [muttered to the camera] this is so weird. I can tell it is a cut scene. I’m seeing the Divine Beast rise even though there is no way I could ever see that with my eyes.

Sidon sparkles and that was definitely a flex of his bicep as he says he went out to find a hylian to help them

**Sidon** : Please, hero… I beg of you. Help me stop Ruta’s rampage of destruction

**Brian** : [distracted by Sidon’s muscles] Definitely. Zelda already sent me to reclaim the Divine Beasts.

The King is surprised and talks about Zelda being alive again. Brian gets a penceive look on his face.

**Brian** : [once again muttering to the camera] Zora are supposed to be super long lived right? I wonder if Zelda being alive is more or less of a shock to them. Note to self, discuss lifespans and interspecies relations with Sidon later.

Further contemplation is cut off as Sidon sparkles again and says he is impressed by Brian’s ambition to stop ganon. Brian grins what looks like his sauciest grin at Sidon.

Then the King reveals the Zora Armour and hands it over.

Muzu is shocked and appalled and reveals that it is usually an engagement gift from a Zora princess. And that this one was made by Mipha. Then he stalks huffily away and Sidon hurries after him.

Brian steps up to the King to actually take the armour, it is slick but not wet.

**Brian** : I am looking forward to putting this on.

**King** : [laughs] It should help with the rain. You Hylians are so vulnerable to it.

**Brian** : Yeah. How do you know this will fit me? Wouldn’t it fit Zelda instead? Royal marriage proposal right? Pat- [he interrupts himself] Zelda has broader shoulders than me.

The King just shakes his head and chuckles.

**Brian** : [perking up] oh hey, if this is usually an engagement gift, does that mean I’m engaged to Sidon now? Or is this a strictly hetero thing?

There’s the sound of someone slipping and falling and crashing just off camera and when it swings around, the camera only catches the tail end of Sidon’s head as he falls off the side of the stairs.

The King lets out a booming laugh.

**King** : Go talk to Sidon and Muzu. Help with Vah Ruta. After that, we will talk about Royal Proposals.

**Divine Beast Vah Ruta [BotW Magitech BDG Vlog] [by LegendofGlibert]**

**Clip** : Brian screaming while riding Sidon as he jets around the Divine Beast. Brian is hanging on for dear life, not surfing like Link did. Sidon appears to be grinning and showing off a little; every time he jumps like a dolphin Brian’s scream rises in both pitch and volume.

**Clip** : Brian cursing so hard it is bleeped out. He is standing in front of that fucking water wheel puzzle. The ball is definitely not going where it is supposed to. He is mashing at his Slate and cursing a blue streak.

**Clip** : Mipha is standing in front of Brian, a ghostly shade of blue. She grins at him and tells him Zora aren’t monogamous and that she was wooing him because Zelda was more complicated, royal engagements you know, but that she wanted both of them. Brian looks about ready to fall over, he is battered and bruised and his eyes are about the size of dinner plates and getting wider the longer she talks.

**Clip** : Brian is riding on Sidon as he swims around the Divine Beast. Brian isn’t screaming any more. He carefully takes aim with an electric arrow and the camera follows its arc until it hits one of the orbs. Brian yells in triumph.

**Clip** : Brian is standing on the trunk of the Divine Beast. It is a quiet moment as the camera pans over the view. It is breathtaking.

**Clip** : Brian is standing on the entrance platform to the Divine Beast. Sidon is in the water. Suddenly, Sidon yanks Brian down to his level and it looks for a hot second like they are going to kiss. Instead, Sidon just hugs him, getting him even more soaked than he already is and tucks a small earring through one of Brian’s ears. “A favour from a Prince. Come back safe!” Sidon says with a flex and sparkle.

**Clip** : Brian is riding on Sidon as he swims around the Divine Beast. He takes aim with an electric arrow. Sidon jerks to the side to avoid an attack and Brian fumbles the arrow and it drops. The footage slows down into slow motion as the arrow drops, catching Brian’s face. Both he and Sidon scream as the electricity hits them.

**Clip** : Brian is fighting the boss, the shade, at the end of the Divine Beast. He is breathing hard and his clothing is torn and slightly dirty. He swings his Ancient Spear at it and it shatters on impact, knocking the Shade back for a moment. The shade comes back in, twice as strong, and Brian grabs a silver longsword from his inventory and sticks it through expertly, finishing the Shade off.

**Clip** : Mipha keeps talking to Brian, who looks like he would flee this conversation if it wasn’t a cut scene. She grins at him, kisses his cheek, says she will support him in the battle with Calamity Ganon, and wishes him the best of luck with Sidon, her brother can be an idiot but they both deserve happiness, they have her blessing.

**Unaired Footage on Polygon Servers**

**Brian** : Pat,  _ Darling _ , this water bed is just plain weird. I’ve never slept on a waterbed before. It’s… watery. Jiggly. Like trying to sleep on jello. Imaging a bed of jello, would it get that weird skin that jello does in the fridge? Wow, I need both sleep and to interact with someone that is not an npc. Someone who knows what a fridge is. 

[a lengthy pause] You know I don’t mean anything with the flirting with the sexy fishman right? Part of it is that he is a Sexy Fish Man Pat. Sexy Fish Man. It’s every monsterfucker’s dream come true right here. But it’s also that I want to see how far I can push the coding. If I can successfully seduce him - shut up, I can hear you laughing from here, I can seduce people with my charm and whit, the internet tells me I am very good at it - but if I can successfully seduce the sexy fishman, have they coded in his full body? Can I actually have sex with him? Or is it an asexual marriage? Is that the end of the romance coding? And will they actually explain it or will it just fade to black if I try anything. I really want to know. I want to know if someone on the dev team was a monsterfucker, coded it in, and gave him two dicks. Wow. That’s not an everyday experience. 

I wonder if people will get even more stuck on characters and marriages with this version of magitech. There are already cases of people wanting to live in a bunch of games for a whole bunch of reasons… don’t let me become that. I don’t think I will, Zuko and Laura and my mom don’t exist in the game. I was going to say you don’t either but you kind of do, Zelda. 

[another pause] Fuck, I am so happy to be finally dry. I think I’ll head to the Gorons next. Maybe I’ll be warm again within the next week if I go there. It is so wet here, even without the rain and in the Zora armour. All the flirting fishman in the world can’t make up for constant pruny fingers. And Vah Ruta. Fuck Vah Ruta. That fucking water mechanic. And the fucking shrines and that swim up the waterfall quest and just. 

Ugh. I’m done here. Gonna go get warm and dry. And maybe later I’ll come back and finish the “alliance” with the Zora. Wink Wink. Nudge Nudge.

  
  


**Conspiracy Theory | Legend of Gill: Heart and Orbs [by dr.fumbles]**

Clips of Brian playing Breath of the Wild. Most are him in Shrines.

**Voiceover** : Conspiracies in videogames are nothing new; easter eggs and hidden treasures are staples of the medium. Much more rarely we come across conspiracies in Let’s Plays. Most Let’s Players are upfront with what they cut out. That or they cut out so much that there is nothing to notice.

But Polygon’s Let’s Play of Nintendo’s new Magitech version of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild has some odd cuts and missing pieces. Some people could argue that it is the new version of the game that has these discrepancies, but I don’t think so.

Polygon has been open about the fact that Pat Gill is the main editor on this project (Brian David Gilbert obviously unavailable due to playing the game without stopping. Which, kudos to that mad genius by the way, I don’t think I could handle that). And Pat Gill has been open about the fact that we aren’t seeing everything.

This should be obvious, Brian apparently sleeps sometimes and that passes in real time, unlike in the console version, and there is a lot of travel time, even with the warping mechanics. We don’t want or need to see all of that. They seem to be showing us everything that is funny and plot relevant. The editing and clip choice is very good.

So why are there some of the weirdest edits I’ve ever seen in a Let’s Play and what’s missing?

[The clips now focus on Brian as he completes the Shrines]

Most edits of this type happen at the end of a Shrine. I didn’t even notice, because most of the time the camera follows Brian as he touches the monk or whatever they are and the thing speaks and the camera fades out. When it fades back in, Brian is walking out of the Shrine.

[an example clip plays]

I know this is normal because in the first Shrine, Brian is unnerved by the quick transition.

But something is missing. The Orb.

After the Elder or whatever talks, they are supposed to give Brian a Spirit Orb, we never see this happen after the first one.

I actually completely missed this happening until Brian defeated his first Divine Beast (Vah Ruta) and Pat Gill made the clumsiest cut I’ve ever seen. 

[a clip plays of Brian in Vah Ruta’s boss area. The Shade dies and a heart piece appears. Brian says “How are we going to do this  _ Dar- _ ” and starts to reach out. The clip cuts to a black, seemingly loading screen for a moment and then back to Brian at the pedestal, readying his Slate]

I didn’t do that cut. There was no reason for it. The only thing that happens in the console version is picking up the heart, which takes three seconds.

I can only conclude that Pat Gill or Polygon don’t want us to see Brian pick up orbs or hearts. But why?

I have a couple theories, as I always do. They range from Polygon capturing Brian David Gilbert’s O-face every time he picks one of these up to Nintendo’s Magitech system glitching out specifically on streams to keep us from new game content so that we all go out and buy the new system as soon as it’s released...

  
  


**The Legend of Gill Episode 12: Get Ready To Rock and Roll [presented by Polygon]**

**Brian** : Awwww Katara, I’m going to miss you. Stay Safe, stay cool.

Brian is cooing at his horse, a beautiful brown bay. He’s reached a pile of rocks in the path that Katara can’t climb. He spends several more moments patting Katara and giving her treats before turning to the pile of rocks.

**Brian** : Welp, here goes nothing. Pile of rocks I will conquer you!

He scrambles up the pile of rock, stamina meter barely dipping. On top of the rocks he strikes a Peter Pan pose and looks out, watching Katara gallop down the trail. Then he turns around, sees the rest of the train continue to slope upwards, and droops.

**Brian** : Mountain. Death Mountain. [he stresses the word mountain with despair lacing his voice] I could just go do all those sidequests I got. No. No I want to be warm. 

He turns and starts to climb. Within minutes he is visibly sweating, tunic sticking to him and breeches clinging to choice bits of his anatomy. The camera pans around, giving a good view of sweaty Brian and backdropping him against the gorgeous reds of the mountain. 

After a few more minutes of hiking and an encounter with some fire keese Brian suddenly screams as the wooden shield on his back bursts into flames.

**Brian** : Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck [he dances around a bit before unequiping the shield] I forgot that everything is on fire here. Wait, shit. This means I need to drink that potion [he rummages around in his inventory for a moment]. Ugh, I forgot this was made of lizard parts. The things I do for my job. 

He stares at the bottle in his hand for a moment longer and the camera catches the tips of this hair glowing with embers before he grimaces and shoots it back. He blinks for a moment after, some of the red flush fading from his face.

**Brian** : That… was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually kind of peppery. Interesting. [He turns to stare at the path ahead again] Onwards and upwards.

A few more minutes of climbing and he reaches a pile of rubble in the path.

**Brian** : Climbing boots will get one last workout I gue- [he screams as the rubble rises into the form of a Ignio Tatus] Nope! Nope nope nope! Giant pile of rocks wants to kill me!

What follows is a hilarious, almost Benny Hill-esque fight scene. Brian mostly just attempts to stay out of the way while yelping and screaming and throwing bombs. Eventually the rock giant explodes into tiny pieces and Brian stands there, panting.

**Brian** : I am on fire! [he sags slightly, and pulls his tunic away from his neck] But really, it is hot. It is so hot. I feel like I am burning up. [his sleeve starts to smoke] I am actually burning up! [he fumbles frantically for the fireproof potion and downs it] Ahhh that’s better. [He stares with determination at the top of the mountain] Time to finish this climb.

The rest of the climb goes without issue, Brian makes it to the Southern Mine with plenty of time left on the potion. He talks to the various Gorons around and accepts the quest to collect lizards.

**Brian** : Okay tiny lizard fiends, let’s make friends. 

Brian starts moving cautiously around the area, searching hard to the tiny lizards that blend into the rock. He finds one and it skitters off at the sound of his footsteps.

**Brian** : Awwww come on little guy, don’t run away.

Five minutes pass, Brian has to use his last potion and he only has 7 of the 10 required lizards.

**Brian** : Oh fuck you lizards! I just want to give you to a guy that wants to make you into potions.

Another two minutes pass with no lizards.

**Brian** : Fuck this, I’m pulling out the big guns.

The big guns are the Stealth Armour. Brian strips down right there in the middle of the mine. The camera catches and lingers on his sweat soaked bright blue underpants and lingers there before jerking up to focus on a lizard on the far wall. When the camera returns to Brian he is dressed in the deep blue Stealth Armour.

It takes another two minutes to find three more lizards but none of them run away.

**Brian** : Yes. Take that you scaley, fast… lizards. None of which is an insult I guess. Just descriptors. Still. Here you go! 10 lizards as requested. Oh fuck yes, Flame Breaker Armour! No more lizards for now.

Brian once again strips. 

**Brian** : This game has been amazing at breaking me of any body shyness. I wonder why I have to put the clothes on manually while I can just equip and unequip my weapons instantly. This amour is really unintuitive. 

The camera pans back to show him in the Flamebreaker Armour. 

**Brian** : I don’t mean hard to put on, though I’m really surprised about that, but it looks like a giant hunk of metal. I should be cooking in here. Roast Brian. But instead it isn’t bad. I’m still warm, but there is definitely some cooling happening.

Brian continues to ramble about cooling as he jogs the rest of the way to Goron City.

**Brian** : Okay, first priority is the rest of this set. I’m heating up in here. Getting hot and sweaty. [he sings the last bit in a saucy voice and adds a twist and flare to his steps.] Armour shop armour shop, come sell me your heat-proof armour. [still singing, musical theatre this time as he walks up to the armour shop] Yesss, helmet… 2000 Rupees!? Is this thing made of pure gold or something?

**Goron Shopkeeper:** Gold would melt at this temperature bro.

Brian blinks, obviously not expecting anyone to react to his rambling. He waits a couple of beats for the shopkeeper to continue. He doesn’t. Brian slowly turns back to the helmet.

**Brian** : oooookay then. [he gingerly picks up the helmet] well it isn’t like I don’t have the rupees. And pants too. [he picks up the bottom piece and brings everything to the shopkeeper to pay]

**Shopkeeper:** Good choice, bro.

**Brian** : Thanks, uh, bro. Do you have a changeroom around here?

**Shopkeeper:** A what? Bodies are bodies, bro. We only have these because your delicate Hylian skin can’t handle the heat.

**Brian** : [a long pause] right. Well, here goes.

He strips off his climber’s boots and pulls on the Flamebreaker Pants. He looks sadly at the Climber’s Boots before sadly stashing them in his inventory.

**Brian** : I mourn even your temporary loss. But you will burn and I will burn on this volcano if I do not part with you for the brief time I am here. [he continues in a whisper] goodbye my jorts companion.

He pulls out his earrings and shoves them in his inventory with much less ceremony before pulling the helmet on.

**Brian** : I still don’t understand why earrings keep me from wearing a helmet… But whatever. On to the second most pressing business here: Goron Spice.

**Divine Beast Rudania [BotW Magitech BDG Vlog] [by LegendofGlibert]**

**Clip** : Brian is standing inside Rudania as the camera slowly pans around in an establishing shot. Daruk’s voice comes out of nowhere and introduces himself. He calls Brian “Little Guy” and thanks him for taking care of Yubono. He welcomes Brian to the family, talking about how Brian will be the best uncle. When the camera catches Brian’s face he looks somewhat overwhelmed.

**Clip** : Brian standing on the edge of the lip of the volcano looking into the bowl of it at Rudania with Yubono by his side and saying “Fuck me. Not another jump.”

**Clip** : Brian in the darkened insides of Rudania. The screen is dark except for some blue flames in the distance. Suddenly there is a yelp and a thunk. Then Brian starts cursing. A pinky purple evil thing pops up and he screams.

**Clip** : Brian and Yubono are on their way up the volcano. They are standing beside a cannon. Rudania is on the cliff face above them. They are screaming at each other about aiming. Several enemies are huddled behind some rocks, looking scared to come out.

**Clip** : Brian is standing on Rudania. He is covered in sweat and his sword is almost glowing from the heat. “So. much. Lava. Why.” He says on a moan.

**Clip** : Brian fighting the giant sword boss. After several swings, Brian ducks in close, drops a bomb and the backflips away, shooting an arrow at the boss’ face as he lands.

**Clip** : Yubono standing at the edge of the cliff, looking down at Rudania in the bowl of the volcano. Suddenly Brian runs past, screaming “LEEEROOOOY JENKIIIIIIINS” as he leaps off the edge of the cliff.

**Clip** : Daruk’s materialized spirit is talking to Brian. He thanks Brian and once again welcomes him to the family. Daruk enfolds Brian in a massive, Goron hug; giving him the magic protection. Daruk continues to say how proud he is to know Brian and have his help. Brian looks like he wants to cry.

  
  


**Unaired Footage on Polygon Servers**

**Brian** : Fuck,  _ Darling _ . Fuuuuck. [Brian’s voice is choked and wet, as if he is crying.] I got away as fast as I could but it still took too long. God, this stable doesn’t feel far enough.

[Several minutes pass of Brian making quiet whining noises and trying to stifle sobs.]

I just. [his voice breaks] that hug, Pat. I haven’t had a real hug from anyone in weeks. And even this- it wasn’t real. This was just a computer simulation hugging me and I’m breaking down.

[soft swearing and another muffled sob]

It wasn’t the hug, it was that it ended. I just wanted to cling to him forever. But the entire time he was hugging me, all I could think was that it wasn’t you or Laura or mom. I just want to do one of our dumb highfives or give Laura a piggyback ride or cuddle Zuko.

Fuck I miss you all.

  
  


**Behind the Scenes Voice Over Captured During Episode 13: Sidey McSidequests**

The cut scene for the memory starts, a field of slain monsters fading into view.

**Pat: ** -ian, Brian. Shit, Bri can you hear me?

**Brian:** Hey Pat, yeah I can hear you.

**Pat:** Are you okay? Do you want to take a break? Or stop? Fuck the project, if you need to stop we can stop.

**Brian:** [lets out a long, slow, heavy breath]

[There is a long pause while Pat-Zelda fusses over Brian-Link’s injury.]

**Brian:** I’m good. [his voice is determined but a little wobbly] Thanks Pat. Thank you for giving me the out but I think I’m okay. I’ll let you know if I need it.

**Pat: ** okay. Okay good.

[there is a short pause and then they speak at the same time]

**Brian:** So what’s happening out there?

**Pat:** So.... sharkmen your thing, huh?

[they laugh and the tension breaks]

**Pat:** It’s going well out here. The whiteboard of timestamps we use to keep track of your hilarious antics is pretty full. Stop being so ridiculous all the time.

**Brian:** [loftily] I make good content.

**Pat: ** You scream a lot. [the grin is audible in his voice] Simone loves the overnight shifts, she says she gets more work done on them than any other time, even if the office is creepy at night. [Brian laughs] We all got a pretty great laugh about  _ Darling _ . It works, Simone said that she puts down the timestamp and unplugs her headphones when she hears it now. So she didn’t hear your message last night.

[the tension rises. On screen, Pat-Zelda is worrying about the rise of Calamity Ganon]

**Brian:** I just want to know if he has two dicks. [Brian’s voice is a little too bright] [Pat chokes] It’s for science! And did you catch that the Zora are Polyamourous? That is really cool! Mipha definitely wanted to bang both of us. Maybe you’re more into the Gerudo though? I’ll try to figure out the Gerudo sexuality and romantic stuff for you.

**Pat: ** [incoherent sputtering about Sidon and the Gerudo]

**Brian:** [laughing] hey! That’s my giant, twin-dicked, fiance you’re talking about.

[Pat devolves into coughing]

The screen starts to fade as Pat-Zelda and Brian-Link walk away from the battlefield.

**Pat:** [softly] Brian

**Brian:** Yeah Pat?

**Pat: ** You got this.

[a steadying release of breath]

  
  


**The Legend of Gill Episode 15: Getting High on Timing [presented by Polygon]**

Brian is trekking through knee deep snow up a mountain.

**Brian** : I know the snow is picturesque but why do I always have to walk through it? I miss my Climber’s Jorts. 

He aims an over-the-top sad look at the camera. He nearly walks into a snow covered branch as he does. After some flailing and a little more walking he heaves a sigh.

**Brian** : At least this armour keeps me warm. [he shivers] Mostly. I am a delicate southern flower, not meant for this co- oh god yes there it is.

Brian breaks into a jog, difficult but achievable in the snow as the lights of the Flight Deck come into view. He takes a moment to just stand out of the wind and shiver in silence when he is finally inside.

**Brian** : okay. On to find a Rito warrior who hopefully isn’t as much of a dick as Revali. [He jogs up the stairs] Aw really, I have to go back outside to talk to him. Fine. Hey there! Teba, right?

**Teba** : [looks up from his bow] I don’t know you. And I’m actually pretty busy here. You should probably go. [he turns back to his bow]

**Brian** : uh, okay, you don’t really sound like an asshole but I am really trying to help here.

What follows is a conversation in which Brian tries to convince Teba that he wants to help and Teba is very dubious. Nott mean, or asshole-ish, just very skeptical of Brian’s motives and ability to help. He eventually gives Brian a shooting challenge.

**Brian** : [stepping to the edge of the platform and immediately shivering again] Hmmmm. [he mutters to the camera] It is so weird that no one here knows who I am. The Zora all recognized me and the Gorons recognized my slate if nothing else and immediately figured out I was related to the cause. But the Rito? I think the Elder recognized the slate and thought I was a descendant but that’s it. No one here talks about the past at all. It is weird. Good for them for moving on I guess.

Brian gazes out over the shooting range for a long moment.

**Brian** : How am I supposed to do this again?

Teba jumps in with an exasperated explanation that involves paragliding and letting go to shoot.

**Brian** : [sounding faint] oh right, that’s how.

He stands there for another few seconds.

**Brian** : no, we are not doing a redux of the “Brian is afraid of heights” gag from the first shrine. A good gag is great but no. I’m doing this.

He stands there for another long minute. 

**Brian** : It’s just paragliding, I’ve done that before. Paragliding is fun! I got this!

Brian jumps off the platform and pulls out his paraglider. He soars around for a while, getting used to it. Teba calls time and Brian starts cursing.

**Brian** : shit, right time limit. [he lands on the platform] Can I try again.

Teba chuckles under his breath as he says sure.

**Brian** : [muttering] at least I’m entertaining.

**Teba** : GO!

Brian leaps, grabs his paraglider, and starts for the nearest set of targets. Then he freezes.

**Brian** : oh no. no no no, fuck everything I am going to die. [he lets go of his paraglider and brings up his bow. Time slows to a standstill.] The fuck? [he shoots. Time starts up as the arrow leaves his bow. It goes into the target.] Did time just stop? Oh SHIT PARAGLIDER. [he grabs his paraglider again] But really. Time stops? [he lets go, draws his bow, and time stops again] This is weird as fuck. [he shoots and grabs his paraglider again] ooooookay then, time stopping aiming powers here we go. [he continues to shoot targets as he talks] I did not expect this to be something the game kept in this format. I’m appreciative. Wow, am I grateful, I could not hit most of these without the time stop. And also I would be terrified of falling. Not that I am not terrified. But less, ya know? And it feels like this would be one of those things that the game devs would want in real time.

Brian comes to land on the platform, targets crushed and well within the time.

Teba is impressed and convinced. He offers to take Brian up to the Divine Beast but warns him that it will be very cold.

**Brian** : [makes a mourning face at the camera] when will my Jorts come back from the war. [a pause] or I guess, when will I come back from the war and join my jorts again?

**Divine Beast Vah Medoh [BotW Magitech BDG Vlog] [by LegendofGlibert]**

**Clip** : Brian screaming as Teba swoops past. Vah Medoh is in the background, surrounded by a pink shield. Mid-scream, Brian jumps off Teba’s back and pulls out his paraglider.

**Clip**: Brian is standing at the entrance to Medoh, ready to tap his slate. Revali is speaking “But making me wait a 100 years is a bit… indulgent” Brian yelps and blurts “Are you flirting with me? I’m taken already!” He trails off muttering about polyamory. Revali seems to forget the rest of his speech and just says “what!?”

**Clip** : Brian running along a tilted room. Mid-way through, he pushes a box and then fiddles with his Slate. The entire Divine Beast tilts back horizontal. Brian makes a low “woah” noise and stumbles.

**Clip** : Brian taps his slate against a terminal. Revali says “You have 2 terminals remaining, you’re almost there!” and Brian snarks back “why are you so surprised, you tsundere asshole.”

**Clip** : Brian approaches the final terminal, the one to clear the entire Divine Beast. It is at the base of what looks like a flower bulb, same as the ones on the other beasts. He looks up and grins, “Bulba Bulba sauuuuuuuuuuur” he says as he taps the Slate and the blub lights up and the light spreads to the entire Beast.

**Clip** : Brian paragliding around the outside of Medoh. His knuckles are white and he looks terrified.

**Clip** : Brian fighting the final Boss. He yells and lunges, running past and without pause, turns and throws his weapon at it. It hits and shatters, doing a lot of damage.

**Clip** : Revali’s spirit talking to Brian after he cleared Vah Medoh. “I suppose I should thank you” Brian looks unimpressed and makes a kissy face at him. Revali blusters “humph. Don’t preen yourself for just doing your job” He then goes through a series of poses, someone has edited Sailor Moon attack graphics over top, and bestows Revali’s Gale on Brian. Brian floats as it settles in, obviously edited shojo sparkles shower around him.

  
  


**Unaired Footage on Polygon Servers**

**Brian** : An actual bed. On solid ground,  _ Darling _ . What madness is this? That entire Divine Beast was terrifying. On the plus side, I didn’t have time to miss anyone or be sad. Pure terror will do that to you. Falling forever doesn’t seem like it would be scarier than lazers or moblins with swords or drowning, but somehow. Somehow it is. [a whine of fear and extended rustling]

Okay, more comfortable and not thinking about that anymore. Oh. Revali. Holy shit Pat. I didn’t realize it when I played the game on console. Maybe because I can actually interact with the characters now, get different responses out of them, but holy shit. He’s like a Tsundere stereotype. Do you think people are going to make fanart of me in a love triangle between Sidon and Revali? Wait, nevermind, Revali is dead. Spirit threeway? Wait, Mipha would want in then… incestuous spirit fourway with me, Sidon, Mipha, and Revali? Where Revali says he doesn’t want to get involved but of course we’re doing it wrong. [an extended pause] I did not just write fanfiction about myself. [hissing] This goes nowhere. You can never tell Simone. Never.

Change of topic, change of topic. Unraveled. I had an idea! I know people are grumbling about the delay. What if we made an episode in here? I would have to be mostly unscripted which honestly terrifies me… not as much as falling to my death. Good to know the ranking of fears I have. And you’d have to edit it. Which also causes a spike in anxiety. But we can do it. I mean, if you want to…

[another pause]

Fuck I’m tired. Being terrified for so long and then the emotional stuff before that really took it out of me.

[a longer pause]

[soft, deep breathing]

  
  


**We Make All 80 Recipes in Breath of the Wild Part 2 | Unraveled [by Polygon]**

[Brian stands in a dark cave with pretty terrible lighting. The camera focuses on him against the black cave wall.]

**Brian** : Breath of the Wild, this most ambitious of games, pits Link up against his greatest challenge yet, feeding himself. Does this sound familiar yet? Well, it should; we’ve made a video about it before. And here at Polygon we are nothing if not ready to run with good ideas until they are past their prime and have no more to give.

We’ve done all the Zelda recipes in real life, but how about all those same recipes in the game? How do they hold up in the game? Is cooking in Breath of the Wild really that easy? Can we improve on the pre-programmed recipes?

Today I will be cooking every single Breath of the Wild recipe, again, and ranking them based on how they compare to their real world counterparts.

[Brian does a little shimmy as the Unraveled white title block lettering appears around him. “BDG UNRAVELS EVERY SINGLE BREATH OF THE WILD RECIPE, AGAIN”]

If you’ve seen the last episode, which if you haven’t go do that now, it’s kind of a prerequisite, then you know how this works. While I don’t think my stomach in here works the same as it does in reality and I might be able to actually create and consume the hundreds of combinations of ingredients that exist in this game without dying, that is no longer the point. I want to compare these to their real world counterparts; meaning that I don’t have to make anything I didn’t make in the past episode. This means no stat variants, no dishes that are just item plus fire, like baked apple, because as much as arson is fun in this game, I have nothing to compare them to. Now in the last episode I cut all inedible foods, I was going to do that here but have received a mandate from on high that says I must try at least one inedible food, just to say I have. I am already dreading it. Gourmet and Prime versions of recipes are also cut, though sometimes my ingredients will make these by accident. I am pretty good at farming these things. So too will the copious versions. More meat is still just meat. Single ingredient recipes are also denied, mostly because I didn’t make them the last time and also because they are boring. Again, unless the recipe actually transforms the ingredient, like an omelet. Like the inedible foods, I did not make any recipes including monster parts in the last part and so cannot compare. Also like the inedible food I have been told that I must make at least one of these recipes for completion’s sake. I once again am dreading this moment with all the fear of the fall off of Vah Medoh. [a scream plays in the background, it sounds like Brian] 

Now that we have narrowed it down to the 78 recipes that we did last time plus two that I am more afraid of than my untimely demise, let’s talk ingredients. Unlike in reality where we can just buy all of these items in one place, generally a grocery store, I no longer have that luxury. I have to go out and harvest, or as the gamers like to call it, farm, all of these lovely and not so lovely things. And for that we need a montage.

[The low key background music ramps up in volume and a well edited montage plays of Brian harvesting every ingredient he needs. There are numerous hilarious moments, including Brian shrieking at lightning, getting pulled into a river by a fish, and making puppy eyes at a shopkeeper after he buys their entire stock of wheat.]

[The montage ends and Brian is now in a forest beside a small hut. The light is dappled and peaceful.]

Now that we have all the ingredients it is time to cook. I’ve returned to the fire where I got my first ingredient, both because it is nostalgic and because there is very little around here that wants to kill me. And bonus, there is a bed right there for when this inevitably spirals out of my control.

I’ll be ranking each food against its real world counterpart. I was going to try and improve some dishes but I tried that earlier while playing the game and either nothing happens or a pinch of salt will ruin the entire dish. Which just let me say, what!? How is this in any way accurate? I can kind of understand when this game was on console, cutting down the variants makes for better coding. But as a Magitech experience it makes no sense, how does applying real world knowledge make food worse? Especially when the same is not true for other types of activities. For shame Nintendo, for shame. You are going to teach so many people such bad cooking skills. I mean, I can just toss a bunch of fruit and flour into a stone pot and get a beautifully decorated cake! And we all know that videogames are where we go for a realistic experience.

And on that note, let’s get cooking!

**The Legend of Gill Episode 18: Delicate Desert Flower [presented by Polygon]**

Brian is running through what seems to be an endless expanse of desert. He’s back in his “Climber’s Jorts”. There is a path to his left with the occasional merchant traveling on it.

**Brian** : ugh. So hot. Again. What is with this game and its temperature extremes? Why can’t one of the Divine Beasts be in general Hyrule? [he tugs at his tunic, flapping it away from his body]

He runs in silence for a moment.

**Brian** : I am enjoying having this massive stamina meter! I can run forever. Which is not a thing I can do in reality. Oh thank god Gerudo Town. Finally!

Brian approaches the entrance to Gerudo Town, the beeping of his shrine radar hitting a shrill pitch.

**Brian** : Water first, then shrine. [He approaches the gate]

**Gerudo Guard** : [crosses spears] Freeze! Where do you think you’re going? Not to our town that’s for sure! No voe allowed. Off With you.

Brian freezes. He looks confused for a moment. Then his face pales dramatically.

**Brian** : oh shit.

Brian trudges over to the shrine and goes inside.

**Brian** : so cool. Yesssss [this devolves into a soft hiss as he sinks to the floor]

Brian lays face down and starfished on the floor for a while. When he gets up, he looks much less overheated.

**Brian** : Okay, get through this shrine so I will never need to make that most terrible of runs through the desert again. Then- nope, not thinking about what comes next and how much the entire internet is going to laugh at me. Making people laugh at me is literally my entire job on the internet. Why is this any different? Not thinking about it [in a singsong that he turns into a hum]

What follows is Brian blitzing through the shrine while cursing “the heat death of the desert”. Eventually he is loading-screen-transitioned back to the outside world.

**Brian** : Warpy McWarp let’s go! [he dissolves into blue sparkles]

Brian reappears in the shrine by the Oasis.

**Brian** : Right, so in the console version of this game I think you had to hear the rumours about a man sneaking into Gerudo Town and talk to someone about the Hylian lady first. But I bet I can skip all that and head right there. [a pause] if I can remember where she is…

Brian wanders around the Oasis for a bit, asking merchants and travellers questions. Eventually he makes his way to the roof of the general store.

**Brian** : So. much. Climbing. Why so much climbing. [he gets to the top] yessss, there she is! Time to do this. Hey there!

**Hylian Woman in Gerudo Clothes** : Oh my. what a lovely young lad you are. Do you need something from me?

**Brian** : That isn’t creepy at all… I need to get into Gerudo Town and I was hoping you could help me.

**Hylian Woman** : What’s that? You’ve heard about a man that snuck into Gerudo Town? Oh, I don’t know anything about him… Sorry I couldn’t be more help.

Brian looks closely at her for a minute.

**Hylian Woman** : [giggles] You’re making my cheeks warm looking at me like that.

**Brian: ** You’re very beautiful and those clothes suit you very well. You look like one of the Gerudo.

**Hylian Woman** : [blushes a little] Oh such a nice thing to say! And I’m sure you’d agree that these clothes only help my looks, right? Now that I think about it, this style would look quite fetching on you… I’d have to charge you of course.

**Brian** : Of course. You’ve got to make a living. How much do you want?

The woman giggles and demures and Brian hands over a bunch of rupees.

**Hylian Woman** : [giggles] I have the perfect outfit for you! Go ahead and change into it right now. Don’t worry, I”ll look away…

**Brian** : … no you won’t. And I bet the camera won’t do the fade to black either.

The camera doesn’t fade to black, but the woman does look away.

**Hylian Woman** : I may be a flirt, but I won’t make you uncomfortable.

The camera takes several long, scenic shots of the horizon as the sound of rustling cloth fills the soundscape. 

Music jingles and the camera swings around, revealing Brian in the new outfit. The camera does a slow pan up his legs, clad in billowy patterned cloth, to his hips and the low waistband of the pants. His belts and weapons holsters are still all there, just hanging lower and more bejeweled than normal. The camera circles as it rises, showing off Brian’s mostly bare back and the jeweled top knot his hair is pulled into. It finishes with a slow trek across Brian’s flat stomach and up. The halter-style top manages to both accentuate his non-existent bust and flatter his shoulders giving him a quite feminine silhouette. The camera comes to rest on his veil clad face, complete with eye make up.

**Hylian Woman** : [squeals in surprised joy] You look adorable! Ahhhh [giggle] Just as I thought, you make for quite a good looking gerudo gal. That’s a traditional gerudo outfit.

The camera backs off, allowing a full view of Brian in his Gerudo glory. He does look very pretty.

**Brian** : I… wow. [he looks in a mirror that is propped up against an awning. He turns this way and that, getting a really good look at himself.] I actually pull this off. I wasn’t expecting that.

**Hylian Woman** : What? Why not! You are lovely and slim. Not that a larger person couldn’t fill this out beautifully in different ways. You have the abs for it too [giggles]

**Brian** : I guess I just… figured I would look like a man in women’s clothes. Which is what I am. But I don’t. I look like a girl. It is both weird and kinda neat.

**Hylian Woman** : oh but when you are in Gerudo Town in this outfit you are a woman. It’s one of the best things about going there, no one cares what is under the clothes, as long as you are wearing the right ones. [the wind gusts and blows her veil from her face, a glimpse of stubble shows before she hastily secures it again.] Watch the wind when you are outside the town, no one there cares but people outside aren’t as forgiving.

Brian looks stunned as he walks away from her. She calls after with some advice about the heat and a date invite but Brian only manages to get it together enough to smile and wave.

**Brian** : wow. That is an update to the game data. I can’t believe Nintendo of all people included trans representation. It’s- [he breaks off and just stares at the water of the oasis for a moment] It’s great. Good change. I love it. I look like a full on girl [he blinks down at his reflection] wow am I pretty. Is that narcissistic to say? It feels narcissistic. But also true. At least these cloths are easy to move in. [another pause] and wow are they cooler than anything else I’ve tried. [he shakes himself] Enough of this introspective staring. I have a town of ladies to talk to and a camel to defeat.

  
  


**Divine Beast Vah Naboris [BotW Magitech BDG Vlog] [by LegendofGlibert]**

**Clip** : Brian is riding his shield through the sand. He is holding on to the sand seal by the reins. He is screaming like he is on a rollercoaster.

**Clip** : Brian in one of the first rooms of Naboris. There are numerous holes in the floor. Brian is lightly jumping around them while commenting “this is nothing compared to Medoh! Oh god, Medoh broke my fear of heights.”

**Clip** : Brian is surfing on his shield and is screaming in actual terror as he looks up at the giant foot descending rapidly onto where he is. Lightning begins to crackle in the background.

**Clip** : Brian is in the center of Naboris and the room is rotating around him. He deftly jumps from platform to platform while it moves.

**Clip** : Brian is surfing with the sand seal. He is within the shield provided by Riju. He ramps over a rock and does a backflip. Riju laughs and says “8 out of 10! Now stop sealing around and shoot it!”

**Clip** : The boss of Naboris comes at Brian and he twists around it’s attack, strafing to the side and ducking under its blow to come up and spear it through the side and triggering a flurry rush.

**Clip** : Riju watches as Brian runs past, Vai clothing fluttering as he runs to jump onto the kneeling Naboris. She looks worried and says “I can’t appease Naboris on my own. Don’t let us down, Brian”

**Clip** : Urbosa stops as she reaches the bottom of the stairs and trails off as she finishes her speech, smirking. “You look good as one of mine, Brian. I always knew you would. Strike ‘em dead.”

  
  


**Unaired Footage on Polygon Servers**

**Brian** : Well,  _ Darling _ , I’m lying here in bed, still in Vai clothing. It’s actually really comfortable. I still can’t get over how I look in it. Do you wanna see me up close? Oh wait, you as the camera got all up in my business when I first put it on, so I guess you have seen it up close [his voice is wry]. I wonder if this is going to cause a bunch of men to re-evaulate themselves. I’m just so pretty, Pat. I wonder if we could play this together and get you as Zelda here and if you’d have to wear Vai clothes. Wow. I really want to see that. And not because I think you’d look funny, your shoulders would look stunning in this top.

[a pause]

Unsubtly changing the subject, have people been yelling in the comments about how I’m playing this wrong? How I should have done the Beasts in a different order or how I should have the master sword already? I hope you are responding with a general “fuck you” I’ll get the sword next though, if you want to tease that. Is there fan art? Fuck, I want to see all the fan art.

[a long moment of quiet]

I’m good, Pat. I’m almost at the end. I think that is helping me think about doing a couple more shrines and sidequests. Not too many, but a couple. I’m in the home stretch. The game still takes my breath away at the most random times with how gorgeous it is. The desert was shitty with the heat and the sand, but fuck was it beautiful.

  
  


**Behind the Scenes Voice Over Captured During Episode 21: Shrines, Swords, and Koroks**

The screen goes faded around the edges and fades back in on Princess Pat-Zelda appointing Brian-Link as official Knight-Protector, the guardians are watching.

**Pat-Zelda** : Hero of Hyrule, chosen by the sword that seals the darkness…

Brian: [bursts into laughter] oh, oh this makes up for everything. I didn’t remember this! [he dissolves back into laughter]

**Pat** : [grumbly] yeah yeah, laugh it up

As Pat-Zelda keeps speaking, the camera pans around to show him in a blue dress. The bodice emphasises his long torso and gives the illusion that he fills out the chest area. The sleeves compliment his broad shoulders, adding weight to his long arms. The flare and drape of the skirt gives him hips. Brian-Link is kneeling at his feet.

**Brian** : [still laughing] the- the blue really brings out your eyes.

**Pat** : I look like a man in a dress; my shoulders are too broad for this one. If I was really Zelda, I definitely would have chosen something that flattered me more. You on the other hand, looked very pretty as a Gerudo girl.

**Brian** : I did look pretty didn’t I? And you look fine in this outfit, Pat! It somehow makes you look even broader than you are in reality which is weird and also very attractive. Do you want me to drape myself in scarves and flutter at you?

**Pat** : [bursts out laughing]

On screen, the guardians are talking during the ceremony.

**Pat** : [laughter dying down] there is so much fan art of you in this game. There’s already even been a cross stitch, embroidery thing of you as a Gerudo. People are fast. And into it. 

**Brian** : Is-

**Pat** : yes there is art of you and Sidon. And you and Revali. And some of it is really explicit.

**Brian** : yesssssssss

**Pat** : why do you even want that- no wait. I don’t actually want to know.

**Brian** : [laughs]

**Brian** : [after their laughter has died down] How did the Unraveled episode go over?

**Pat** : Well. Shit, Brian, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to top it. People loved it.

**Brian** : [breathes out a relieved sigh] good. Fuck. good. I was worried.

**Pat** : yeah, I got you. This whole thing has gone down great. There are definitely comments about how you should have done things in different orders but mostly people just want to know if you’re going to 100% the game.

**Brian** : fuck no. I’m getting the sword and beefing up my supplies and then going for the castle. I want pizza.

**Pat** : [laughs] fuck yeah, we’ll have a pizza party to welcome you back to reality. Actually, the most common comment we get it worrying about your health.

**Brian** : [pause] … I’m going to be fine, Pat. 

**Pat** : Brian

**Brian** : really. I’m almost done, the end is in sight. And when I said the terror of falling scared me out of my homesickness, I was not lying. That was so fucking terrifying I didn’t have time for any other feelings. [abruptly starts snickering again]

On screen, Pat-Zelda has come back into focus and she finishes up, the camera coming to zoom in on Brian-Link’s face.

**Pat** : see you soon Brian, good luck with the sword

**Brian** : you bet your ass Pat Gill!

**The Jorts Always See Their Victory [by Queelez]**

Adam Lambert’s “Sure Fire Winners” plays over a series of clips.

**Clip** : Brian standing on top of Vah Ruta. The giant elephant shines blue, contrasting with the sunrise in the background. Brian is wearing the Climber’s Jorts and the Zora Armor and Helm.

**Clip** : Brian standing on Vah Rudania. The giant salamander’s blue glow almost lost in the bright midday sun. Brian is wearing the Climber’s Jorts and the Firebreaker Armour and Helmet.

**Clip** : Brian standing on Vah Medoh. The giant bird glows blue as it soars towards the setting sun. Brian is wearing the Climber’s Jorts and the Snowquill Armor and Headdress.

**Clip** : Brian standing on the back of Vah Naboris. The giant camel glows a striking blue in the darkness of the desert. Brian is wearing the Climber’s Jorts and the Vai Armor and Gerudo Veil.

In all four clips the camera pans slowly around him to get the full, uncut, unadulterated glory that is Brian’s victory dance. It is a stunning piece of improvised choreography; including several interpretive dance moves to indicate the beast he fought, random arm flailing, high kicks, and a truly scandalous number of body rolls.

  
  


**The Legend of Gill Episode 21: Shrines, Swords, and Koroks [presented by Polygon]**

Brian is sneaking through tall grass. He is wearing the Sheika Armor set and has a super quiet buff active. He isn’t talking at all, just concentrating on the white horse that is in front of him.

Suddenly he jumps onto its back and it begins bucking. Brian yelps and holds on for dear life.

**Brian** : Calm down buddy! Woah calm down! I just want to be friends with you!

The horse continued to buck and Brian’s stamina meter plummets.

**Brian** : shitshitshit, I thought I had enough stamina for this. I really did! Come on, horsey I just want to be your friend.

Just as his stamina meter is about to run out the horse quiets down. Brian drapes himself over the horse’s back.

**Brian** : I’m exhausted. But we are friends! Come on, let’s go get you registered at the stable. What am I going to name you…

The ride back to the stable is filled with Brian chattering about names. Once at the stable, he registers “Polygon” 

**Brian** : because why not name the ride that almost kills you after your job that puts you in virtual reality for literal weeks? Just kidding, I love my job and I totally chose to do this. Really, I came up with this concept and pushed for it, please don’t get mad at Polygon for this. Well then, onward to the Master Sword.

And with that, Brian disappears into blue warp sparkles. He reappears in the lush greenery of the Korok Forest. He runs around the Deku Tree until he reaches the raised stone and the Master Sword.

**Brian** : okay. I got this.

He grabs the sword.

Bits of memories flash by rapidly.

**Pat** : Brian, you are our only hope, the fate of Hyrule rests with you.

Brian lets go of the sword, falling onto his butt with the force of his flinch.

**Brian** : shitshitshit ow! What was that?

**Deku Tree** : [wind rustling through branches] [yawns] who is that? Did I doze off again? Hrm? Well well… it’s you. You finally decided to return. Better late than never. After 100 years I’d nearly given up hope on seeing you again. Even my patience has limits, you know. 

**Brian** : Hey! I was sleeping the sleep of the apparently dead! Forgive me for not waking earlier from my forced medical coma!

The Koroks of the forest are gathering around, watching curiously and play acting some of what the Deku Tree is talking about.

**Deku Tree** : That look on your face tells me you have no recollection of me, however. I have watched over Hyrule since time immemorial. Many have referred to me over the ages as the Deku tree. 

**Brian** : Hi, Deku Tree! [he waves like a small child] Can I take the sword now? I’d really like to beat up Ganon and free Hyrule. Like I am apparently super late at doing.

**Deku Tree** : That is the weapon created by the ancient goddess. The sword that seals the darkness - that only the chosen knight can wield against Calamity Ganon. Believe it or not... it was actually you who wielded that sword 100 years ago. 

**Brian** : I am shocked. As the kids sayeth, I am shook.

**Deku Tree** : But I must warn you to take extreme caution. The sword stands as a test to anyone who would dare attempt to possess it. As you are now, I cannot say whether you are worthy or not… 

**Brian** : I’ve freed all four divine beasts and you say I might not be ready for the sword? What kind of high standards does this thing have?

**Deku Tree** : If you sought to free the sword in any sort of weakened state, you would surely lose your life where you stand. [Laughs] Best of luck young one.

**Brian** : Wait. What? You’re just going to leave me with that? ‘Touch the sword and you might die?’ really?

The Koroks that gathered around during the story fade back into the forest, leaving Brian alone in the peaceful woods with the sword in front of him.

**Brian** : Well, here goes [he rubs his hands together] here’s hoping I don’t die. [he grabs the sword] 

Brian screams as the sword starts to drain his hearts.

**Brian** : SHITSHITSHIT FUUUUUUCK THIS HURTS. WHY IS THIS SO PAINFUL I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD SWORD!

He keeps holding on and as he slowly pulls the sword from the stone it glows brighter and brighter.

**Brian** : [screams loudly and wrenches the sword free] THERE. Now I’m fucking King Arthur. [panting]

Music begins to play and Brian raises the sword to the sky; his arms are trembling.

  
  


**Shrine Compilation [BotW Magitech BDG Vlog] [by LegendofGilbert]**

**Clip** : The now iconic clip of Brian standing at the edge of a ledge in a shrine. There is a timer that is counting up in the corner. It appears to be on fast forward. In the bottom left corner the shrine name “Oman Au” is written in white lettering.

**Clip** : Brian standing in the middle of a ring of Gorons. Brian is wearing nothing but the climber’s jorts and is on fire. He is shoving bananas in his face. After several seconds, the Gorons cheer and a shrine rises up in the background.

**Clip** : Brian inside a shrine, standing at a set of controls. They are controlling a giant hammer with which he is attempting to putt an orb into a recess (like a giant, apparently annoying, version of mini golf). Brian is swearing a lot. In the bottom left corner the shrine name “Katosa Aug” is written in white lettering.

**Clip** : Brian in a large room of a shrine. In the bottom left corner the shrine name “Chaas Qeta” is written in white lettering. He is facing off against a Guardian Scout with three guardian weapons. Brian is doing a lot of flailing and screaming in between flury rushes.

**Clip** : Brian holding a large hammer and cursing in ways that are sure to get the video de-monitized. The gentle blue of the shrine is doing nothing to sooth him. In the bottom left corner the shrine name “Mirro Shaz” is written in white lettering. Brian puts stasis on a large orb in front of him and hits it a bunch of times with the hammer. When he lets it go it flies perfectly into the receptacle on the other end of the room, avoiding the many obstacles in the way. Brian stands there for several seconds as the gate to a chest opens. Then he screams in victory.

**Clip** : The screen is almost pitch black. Brian is holding a torch and navigating his way through the darkness. A deep rumbling thump comes from somewhere in the darkness and a Hinox rises. Brian screams, dropping the torch, which goes out instantly leaving him in darkness.

**Clip** : Brian standing on a platform in a shrine. In the bottom left corner the shrine name “Sho Dantu” is written in white lettering. He is intently watching a contraption fling a round bomb back and forth, arcing over a cage with a switch in it. Suddenly he presses a button on his slate. The round bomb explodes in mid air and Brian yells in frustration.

**Clip** : Brian standing in a rainy plateau, lightning striking regularly. Brian is wearing the special Gerudo helmet and standing on top of a statue. He has uses stasis on an orb in front of him and uses his spear to poke it. When he breaks the stasis, the orb flies onto a nearby plateau and Brian yells “Fore!”

**Clip** : Brian in a shrine. He is running around holding an orb, trying to figure out which receptacle to put it in. In the bottom left corner the shrine name “Keo Rugg” is written in white lettering. Eventually he runs back up to a stone and reads aloud “The Constellations are key.” He looks around for a while longer and then whines “what does that even mean.”

**Clip** : Brian on a paraglider. He is paragliding to a distant island. According to his stamina bar, he’s used something to boost his stamina to be able to make it. As he touches down on the island, all his gear disappears and the challenge appears on screen, along with the island name “Eventide Island.” Brian says, “nope” and hops in the water to swim his way to the main land again.

  
  


**Do You Believe In Fairies? [by ForzieE]**

Five minutes of the Great Fairies going “mmmmm” suggestively and looking Brian up and down. At the end Brian looks straight at the camera, standing outside one of the Great Fairy groves and says “I know now that I definitely don’t have a gigantification kink.”

  
  


**Climb Every Mountain | BDG Plays BotW Magitech Vid [submitted to festivids by bessilinda]**

An expertly made vid set to the song “Climb Every Mountain” from the Sound of Music. As Julie Andrews sings about climbing every mountain and fjording every stream, the visuals have Brian exploring Breath of the Wild and marvelling at the beauty. There are shots of him paragliding from great heights and swimming up waterfalls. Traversing vast deserts by sand seal and trudging through knee high snow. It is a love letter to the game and to Brian.

  
  


**Unaired Footage on Polygon Servers**

**Brian** : Well,  _ Darling _ , this is it. Making sure I am well rested for the final push tomorrow. I assume all the livestream stuff is sorted out and ready to go. [pause] I can’t wait to fuck Ganon up. And then, shit, I’m going to be back in reality. That’s going to be weird. How long has it actually been? I don’t have a calendar in here. I’d guess a month?

I can’t wait to see everyone again. Zuko had probably forgotten me entirely. I hope I’ll be able to take back my room from Laura’s craft supplies. And get a hug from my mom, or you I guess. And see that massive project of Simone’s. Is that out yet?

How much vacation time do I have? I assume it is a fuck ton. I’ve got a bunch of ideas for new Unraveled. Let’s get the next one filmed, maybe the one after too? And then you are taking some place where I don’t need to cook for myself.

Night. See you on the flip side!

  
  


**Behind the Scenes Voice Over Captured During Episode 22: Brian vs. Ganon**

The screen fades in that old timey manner that means a memory; when it clears, Pat-Zelda is standing in front of a host of Ancient Guardians yelling at a very injured Brian-Link.

**Pat-Zelda**: Link, save yourself! Go! I’ll be fine! Don’t worry about me!

**Brian**: Are we good?

**Pat**: We are up and running! For once, the livestream set up went perfectly.

**Brian**: Probably helps that we only have to capture on screen video and sound, no mics or cameras to set up.

**Pat**: [chuckles] yup. Definitely easier.

**Brian**: And you’re ready?

**Pat**: Got the second Magitech system ready and waiting. I tested it and it totally works. We are all good for your rush on the castle. [in a quiet voice] We’re ready for you to come home.

There is a pause as on screen Pat-Zelda holds Brian-Link in his arms as he dies and sobs over him.

**Pat**: well shit. That is not something I ever wanted to see. Even in cartoon graphics.

**Brian**: Yeah wow.

On screen Pat-Zelda realizes that Brian-Link can be saved.

**Brian**: This is way too emotional to start the stream with. How much crying is the chat doing?

**Pat**: [laughs] so much Brian, so much.

**Pat-Zelda**: His life is now in your hands!

**Pat**: and our livelihoods are in yours! Go get that corrupt bastard!

**Brian**: will do!

  
  


**The Legend of Gill Episode 22: Brian vs. Ganon | LIVESTREAM [presented by Polygon]**

The memory ends and the screen fades back in to actual game play. Brian is standing in a field full of trashed Ancient Guardians.

**Pat**: … brian...Brian! You have recovered all your memories of us. I am here, in the castle. It is now time for you to defeat ganon, that fucker. Come get him!

The screen fills with the words “Captured Memories Complete”.

**Brian**: Gotcha Pat! [he whistles for Polygon and mounts up, turning and riding for the castle] Welcome to The Legend of Gill! A Polygon Let’s Play where I, Brian David Gilbert, play Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Which is a spectacular older game re-released for Nintendo’s new Magitech system. This latest iteration of Nintendo’s magic VR system is the most immersive yet. As you can see, I’m actually in the game. 

Brian rides through various fields and forests as he talks.

**Brian**: We’ve been releasing Let’s Play videos of this entire experience but we figured that for the final part, we’d give you an unadulterated look at how this game works. Pat’s been the one editing all the videos so far but for reasons [he grins at the camera] he’s unable to monitor the chat for a bunch of this so Simone is going to help us out.

Brian continues to chatter at the camera, expertly navigating his way to the castle while keeping interesting tidbits about his experiences in the game flowing. When he gets to the castle grounds, they seem oddly divested of enemies.

**Brian**: There are usually a ton of Ancient Guardians and stuff on the ground level here but I had a couple of side quest type things to do yesterday and spent some time clearing these out. Don’t know if that final prep episode is out yet, that’s a fast turn around. I figured we should get right to the good stuff for this stream.

Brian rides to a giant cliff along the side of the castle and hops off Polygon. He equips the rest of the climber’s outfit, eats a stamina boosting dish quickly (literally shoving it into his mouth), and cracks his knuckles.

**Brian**: Let’s do this thing. Climber’s Jorts let’s go! [He starts to climb the cliff] Just to be crystal clear, as clear as the water in Zora’s Domain where my fiance Sidon lives, I haven’t been any further than the ground around the castle. So all of this is new territory. Meaning monsters. And lasers. And just generally, danger. For me. How high is this cliff even? Also, I await the moment that I am back in reality and forget that I cannot just climb any cliff with the power of game mechanics. And by await, I obviously mean dread.

Brian reaches the top of the cliff and hulls himself over the edge only to immediately be targeted by two Ancient Turrets.

**Brian**: Oh god. Turrets! Laser turrets! What did I say? [he sprints, using his remaining stamina, to a doorway] Oh wow. Okay. danger passed. For now I guess. [as he enters the First Gatehouse, the place name comes up on the screen and the portcullises on either side slam shut. Brian jumps at the noise.] This is not good. Not good. Also, the ominous voice in my head saying place names is still creepy, but also somehow reassuring now? [a Lynel appears in the room. Brian lets out a small whine of distress] Of course it had to be one of these. [he shrieks] with floating skulls too? Come on!

Brian actually pretty expertly fights the Lynel, stunning it and jumping on it’s back to ride it into a wall where he slashes at it with his sword until it shakes him off and he does it all over again. The fight seems to take no time at all, despite all the flailing Brian does.

**Brian**: That is done with. On to the loot. [he opens a chest. The portcullises still don’t rise] What? Why? Oh. these dickbags. [he stabs a flaming skull. The portcullises rise] Moving on… ugh. [Brian inches squeamishly around the black and red corruption that covers the landing outside the gatehouse] This stuff is gross. So gross. I know I say that every time but it is still true! It is also entirely in the way. [as he looks around another turret targets him] Shit! Shit shit shit. There, yes, waterfall. Up and over it is.

Brian runs until he finds a bit of cover and strips out of his tunic, practically throwing the Zora armor on.

**Brian**: If this game has been good for one thing, it’s that I can now quick change with the best of them. I also am way less body shy. Woo for Zelda. [his tone does not sound excited]

Brian dives into the water and swims right at the waterfall, pausing and then swimming upwards at an alarmingly fast rate. When he hits the top he launches himself into the air and pulls out his paraglider.

**Brian**: Thank you Sidon! Also Mipha. [he glides right over a bunch of towers of the corruption] gross gross gross, thank you Zora fiances for getting me over this stuff. [he lands just in front of another gatehouse structure. He is immediately targeted] No, nooooo [he squeaks around the side of the tower just in time to avoid the blast] How to avoid this. I just want to beat up your evil overlord. That’s all. [he looks around for another route] hmmmm… no one ever looks up [he looks up pensively]

After contemplating his options Brian crouches down and uses Revali’s Flap to launch himself to the roof of the gatehouse.

**Brian**: and thank you Revali the tsundere. [he looks around some more] Oh fuck! Quick decision time! I have these turrets!

Brian jumps off the edge of the roof. Aiming for another giant cliff.

**Brian**: this better work. [he hits the cliff and begins climbing] Climbing, climbing, climbing 

He sings as he climbs. Pausing to shove another piece of food in his throat before continuing. It looks like he doesn’t even chew it. When he hit the top of the cliff he is targeted immediately. 

**Brian**: [screams and runs for cover] Chest high walls don’t fail me now! [he breathes out heavily] yes, chest high walls you are my favourite. Hmmmmm, where to next. [he peers around the edge of the wall only to be targeted] Nope! Wait. There was a waterfall there. [he takes a deep breath] And go!

Brian sprints to the waterfall, nearly being hit by several turrets. He dives into the water, very gracefully, and swims right up the waterfall. He hits the top and pops his paraglider.

**Brian**: and where am I- oh. Oh shit! That’s it! That’s the place I need to be. This was an awesome route.

He lands and runs into the shadow of an archway to avoid more turrets.

**Brian**: Am I ready for this? [he rifles through his inventory, stripping off his Zora Armor to put on the Soldier’s Armor] Armor on. Yes the jorts are staying on. I refuse to beat the game without them! Food… extra hearts and a bunch of defense here we go. [he eats slower this time] Are you all ready for this? If not, too bad. Because here we go.

Brian walks into the building and the word “Sanctum” appears on screen. It is a gorgeous chapel-like space with large stained-glass windows patterned with the triforce.

**Brian**:Lovely place, too bad about the corruption goo

The camera pans around to focus on a large bundle of the corruption hanging at the apex of the cathedral roof.

**Pat**: ...ian...brian...Brian! [getting louder each time/fading in] I’m sorry… but my power isn’t strong enough… I can’t hold him

Suddenly, lasers shoot out of the ball of corruption. They strafe wildly around the room and Brian yelps and dodges. There is a moment of silence and then the bundle of corruption glows where the lasers cut through and the bundle explodes.

Ganon bursts out of the ball and drops to the floor. Brian starts to go for his sword but the floor breaks under the force and Ganon falls into the depths of the mountain the castle is built on. The camera follows Ganon down and catches his hard landing.

Brian comes paragliding down and lands in front of Ganon.

As Ganon gets up, showing all of his spidery, gross corrupted glory, his title appears on screen “Calamity Ganon: Scourge of Hyrule Castle”

**Brian**: Gross

The camera cuts to each of the Divine Beasts as they shoot their beam weapons at the castle.

**Revali**: Now my moment has finally come. Brace yourself Ganon, for the sting of my revenge.

**Mipha**: This will be our final opportunity. We will not fail.

**Daruk**: Let’s go little guy! Now, open up wide, Ganon!

**Urbosa**: A hundred years in the making… hold on Princess, our moment has arrived.

The beams collect in the tunnel and are focused onto Calamity Ganon who roars in fury as his health cuts in half.

Brian takes out the Master Sword and raises it, it glows in his hand.

**Brian**: Bring It

Brian doesn’t talk during the fight. He is too busy actually fighting. It is a spectacular fight; Calamity Ganon climbing the walls and Brian using light arrows to knock him down, Ganon making a blue light of death around himself when he lands and Brian jumping at just the right time to avoid it, Brian leaping in to use the Master Sword and adding Urbosa’s Fury to the mix, Ganon getting to a quatre health and using some sort of protection thing, Brian using Daruk’s protection right back, Ganon using the targeting lasers and actually hitting Brian hard enough to make Mipha’s Blessing trigger, Brian eating a massive meat skewer in the middle of battle, and finally, Ganon shooting a ball of fury at Brian and Brian using the Master Sword to bat it right back at him.

**Brian**: [joyful screaming] YES I have always wanted to do that!! And that’s it! Ganon is down! Fuck yes! [he does part of the Jorts Victory Dance]

Ganon collapses and starts spewing the red and black ichor out of all of the cuts Brian made. IT just keeps going and going. Then Calamity Ganon explodes into red and black smoke that swirls around and hovers near the top of the domed roof of the chamber for a moment before sucking itself out of the hole.

**Brian**: [a disgruntled look] aw really? [he looks around] how am I supposed to get out of here. Oh god, how am I getting out of here?

In his panic, Brian doesn’t seem to notice his Shiekah Slate glowing. It glows a bright gold and engulfs him, cutting off his panicked shouts. It turns into a tiny ball and goes shooting up out of the hole. The camera follows the ball of light to the field outside the castle walls. Polygon is waiting there and the golden light resolves itself back into Brian beside her.

**Brian**: that was… weird. Not entirely unpleasant, but weird [he trails off] no. fuck no. why? Why does Ganon always have another form? 

The camera swings around to focus on the Ganon smoke coalescing into a large dome.

**Pat**: Ganon...Ganon...Ganon was born out of a dark past. He is a pure embodiment of the ancient evil that is reborn time and time again. He has given up on reincarnation and assumed his pure, enraged form. If set free on our world, the destruction will be unlike anything ever seen before.

As Pat spoke, Ganon emerged from the smoke dome, in all his, Boar-like, hooved, tusked, and fiery glory. The title “Dark Beast Ganon: Hatred and Malice Incarnate” appears on the screen.

**Brian**: Well the fire is new. Props to the big evil guy for keeping current and upping his game every time. [Polygon rears and neighs in the background] What is that? Why is something glowing? Is that a new weapon?? Am I getting a new weapon right now?

**Pat**: Yup Brian, Bow of Light, at your service. I entrust you with the Bow of Light - a powerful weapon in the face of evil. Brian, you’ve got all your memories and at least a portion of the power you had available… But courage need not be remembered… for it is never forgotten.

Brian starts towards the bow but Polygon winnies again.

**Brian**: Right, right I can take an obvious hint. Horse Bow combat time! Got it.

Brian rides forward and scoops the Bow of Light from the ground.

**Pat**: This fucker’s covered in malice, I’ll hold it back as best I can. Shoot the glowing targets!

**Brian**: Gotcha Pat! [Brian rides around for a bit] Any time now Pat!

**Pat**: fuck you this is hard!

Golden glowing rune-target-things appear on Ganon’s body.

**Brian**: yes! [he shoots several. Ganon roars in anger]

Ganon shoots an attack and catches the side of Brian’s arm. Brian is knocked off Polygon.

**Brian**: shitshitshit [he opens his inventory and grabs a bunch of food items, shoving them in his face]

Brian rides around even more wildly.

**Brian**: [yelling] Pat!

**Pat**: [glowing targets appear again, but only the ones Brian didn’t shoot before] Here! Happy now? [he sounds strained]

**Brian**: FUCK YES! [he shoots a bunch of arrows] Does this thing have infinite ammo? [he shoots the last target]

**Pat**: Brian, look up near his face!

Brian rides around to Ganon’s front. There is a large golden glowing area there.

**Brian**: fuck. How do I get up there? Wait. Revali.

**Pat**: or the updraft from fire…

Brian hops off of Polygon and readies his paraglider as he runs around. Ganon sets up for another attack and Brian just barely dodges it.

**Brian**: and up we go! [he soars high into the sky and there is a pause as he takes in what he is seeing] ewwwww there is an eye in there. Gross. But a great target. Get ready time freeze bow mechanics!

**Pat**: Do it Brian!

Time slows right down as Brian aims.

**Brian**: [shoots] BULLSEYE! I am the champion!

Ganon rears back and a point of golden light is expelled from him. It rises into the sky and the camera zooms in as it resolves itself into Pat, glowing golden and wearing a pristine white halter dress with gold embellishments. Pat slowly floats down to the ground, hands clasped against his chest.

As Pat’s sandal-clad feet touch the ground, Ganon collapses, head coming to rest right in front of him. 

**Pat**: [murmur] surprise

Ganon bursts into the cloud of malice again and circles. Pat watches with an expression of fierce concentration. Ganon dives in to attack.

**Pat**: [holding out a hand] What do we say to evil pig monsters?

Golden light flares from Pat’s hand and Ganon flees. The giant, expanding golden ball of light catches Ganon and engulfs him. It pauses and then contracts into a single point, like a black hole.

**Pat**: Not today!

The words “Destroy Ganon Complete” appear on screen.

Pat jumps about a foot, tripping over his dress and nearly falling over.

**Pat**: what the fuck was that!?

**Brian**: That was the ominous voice in my head. It says helpful things.

**Pat**: Creepy

**Brian**: Very creepy

The dark red clouds dissipate to reveal a blue sky. The camera focuses on Pat, standing in the field, castle in the background. He is looking at where Ganon was.

**Pat**: I’ve been keeping watch over you all this time. I’ve witnessed your struggles to return to us as well as your trials in battle. [Brian walks up to him] I always thought - no I always believed - that you would find a way to defeat Ganon. I never lost faith in you over these many years... [Pat turns around] Thank you Brian… the hero of Hyrule [smiles] May I ask… Do you really remember me?

The screen cuts to black and the credits start to roll.

**Brian**: [voiceover] You’ve been watching me. That sounds a little invasive Pat.

**Pat**: [splutters] It was in the script! Also, I have. It’s called being your spotter. And also the person who edits all your videos.

**Brian**: [laughs] As important as watching the credits is, I don’t want the bulk of the stream to be a text crawl. Thank you all the amazing people that worked on this game! It was an amazing experience.

**Pat**: Stunning. Thank you.

There is a musical sting and the credits pause before the screen fades to white.

The screen fades back in to show Pat, still in the white dress, and Brian, still in Climber’s Jorts and Soldier’s Armor, standing in front of Hyrule Castle.

**Brian**: It looks so much better without the Malice everywhere.

**Pat**: [sad look] It looks more broken.

**Brian**: [looks sad] True

They look at each other and then turn and start to walk away.

The camera moves upward and high up, floating near the main tower, the spirits of the King of Hyrule and the four Champions look down.

The King smiles and dissipates.

**Daruk**: [calls loudly] Glad you found your people and good luck on your next adventure, Little Guy!

**Revali**: [huffily] You aren’t a proper partner for the Princess or the Zora Prince. They better keep you safe!

**Urbosa**: You always have a home among the Gerudo, Princess.

**Mipha**: Take care of Sidon! He probably can’t handle both of you but make him try!

Pat and Brian turn around and grin. Brian flails and waves with his whole body. Pat does a much more reserved wave.

**Pat**: [loudly] Thanks for all your help!

The spirits dissipate and the camera focuses on Brian and Pat again, swinging around behind them to frame them against the sky and sun, blue glowing pillars on either side.

The screen fades to black and the words “The End” appear.

The screen fades back in to Brian and Pat, back in the standard flashback adventuring gear, standing on a bluff.

**Pat**: [consulting a Sheikah Slate] We’ll make our way to Zora’s Domain. Divine beast Vah Ruta looks like it stopped working. Let’s investigate the situation. You also need to finally introduce me to Sidon.

**Brian**: [twisting and flailing] ugh, I hate it when it jump cuts to a different location and different clothing!

**Pat**: [Looks up] Mipha’s father… I believe he would like to hear more about her. The least we can do is visit him and offer him some closure.

**Brian**: [snorts] You just want to meet my Shark fiance and seduce him.

**Pat**: Did you ever figure out what was in his pants?

**Brian**: [slings an arm around Pat] Not yet! But the day is still young!

The camera slowly pans around the landscape.

**Pat**: [putting his arm around Brian’s shoulder] We’ve got the time now. As we tease a sequel.

**Brian**: [slipping out of Pat’s hold] Hey! I’m not even out of this yet! I’m not committing to any more extended Magitech gaming until I’ve had a long vacation. And no more one player games. I’m sure this fucked me up somehow.

**Pat**: Definitely no more one player games. The next one has a playable Zelda and save continuation which means I’m already roped in. And Simone has already called playing re-hydrated Ganon. Something about thirst.

**Brian**: [laughs so hard he doubles over] okay. I want to see that. 

Pat grins as Brian laughs; sidling close to him again.

**Brian**: [laugher dying down] now that we have completely abandoned the script, I want a cheeseburger. And a nap in a real bed. And to see Zuko, my cat.

**Pat**: We can definitely make that happen.

The camera zooms way out as Pat side hugs Brian and they both face away and look out over the gorgeous landscape.

The screen lingers for a moment before fading into black.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I am being specifically vague about how the magitech works. Mostly in hopes that I won’t try and worldbuild it into something functional and also because it would bog down the story and really isn’t the point.
> 
> The way I see it though, there are 2 options. One thought is that it works like VR only it additionally puts your body into stasis (because Brian is in for weeks and they aren’t worried). The questions I have with this involve things like child development, it is one thing for an adult to be in stasis for a couple hours every day but a 5 year old? That is huge. Option 2 is that your body actually gets sucked into the system. This leads to a whole bunch of security problems like what if there is a power outage and also, if that is your actual body, can you change it? What happens to it in violent games? And more.
> 
> Bonus thoughts about avatars: Older Magitech models were more like VR in that there was a pre-made avatar that the player controlled. Newer Magitech take the player’s body as the default avatar. (In the case of Option 1 above, this would involve taking a scan of the player’s body as part of an account set up process. In the case of Option 2 it is much easier.) But also in the case of Option 2, if the player’s body actually is part of the experience, are there limits and ways to customize this. If a child or older adult are playing a game with a teenage protagonist does their body age/regress to that age? Or, because MAGIC, does the self-perception of the player heavily influence the avatar. For example, if a trans person set up an account would they automatically gain an in game body that is more in line with their self-perception or would they have to go into settings and change that? In newer Magitech systems I’m going to say that changing your avatar (either gender, age, hair colour, disability, etc) is generally allowed (as in there is coding for it), even within the same account or game save data. The only “however” to this is if the game is highly gendered (for example, if the game has certain quests or plot lines that only happen if you are a particular gender presentation, for example: the Gerudo in Breath of the Wild) then the save data might corrupt and boot you from it (I’m sure hacks exist anyway) (and in the case of the Gerudo, it is fine. Everyone thinks you are a woman regardless of whether you are. I am assuming that if you are naturally a woman, the Gerudo do not make you wear specific clothes to get in. But maybe they do…). But in general, for games like Zelda, if the player changes their “preferred pronoun” entry mid-save data it would just flip all pronouns and related words to the preferred ones. (The game probably makes the player re-login in order to implement the changes.) (The only glitch with the Gerudo is if you are not wearing the Vai outfit and you change your pronouns to male. When you re-log in it will kick you out in some hilarious ways.)
> 
> I’m trying really really hard not to think about sleep necessities, because obviously in Zelda the mechanics are there for it and the human brain needs it, but at the same time it isn’t required in the console version. And other games aren’t set up for it at all. Is it necessary? I don’t know. Magitech wasn’t designed for extended use like Brian is doing here. Obviously Nintendo realized that people were going to do this and built for it (because yay redundancies and assuming players will abuse your system) but also it isn’t designed to be played like that. When you feel tired/have work/school/other responsibilities you are supposed to log out. This is why it is extra necessary for Brian to have a spotter. A normal player, playing for an hour or two probably can go without one, but someone doing extended play needs one. (There is an alarm system built that the player can set and a clock in the interface, because not all games play in real time) I don’t think it functions instead of sleep. (but maybe sleeping in game transferred over?)
> 
> …. THIS IS WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO GET INTO THIS. why am i like this.

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End file.
